8th
Top 10 things I Love & Hate about the holidays
TOP 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS:
1. Eggnog. Seriously, you guys, that stuff is disgusting. There’s not enough rum in the WORLD to make it palatable. Barf. Same goes for rum-cake, even though that has rum in it.
2. Gift-giving one-ups-man-ship. This sucks if you are not the wealthiest member of your family or the alpha-dog in your group of friends. Its always a safe bet to go for ‘thoughtful’ gifts, but you’re still gonna feel like a loser when some high-roller buys everyone like, a Cessna.
3. Weight. If you have gained or lost weight in the past year, now EVERYONE in your friends and family will notice and either comment or not, which is worse. “Are you OK, why are you so skinny?” is almost worse than disapproving glances as you go for thirds on pate, as those you can happily ignore as you gorge yourself on delicious pate.
4. Dating. If you are in a relationship, you gotta stress about what gift to buy, knowing the entire fate of your relationship depends on getting not only the right gift, but the right level of gift - nothing too much (clingy and desperate) and nothing too small (emotionally stunted and withholding). Cant win, really.
5. Not-Dating. This is worse than Dating, because chances are you recently went through a breakup (c’mon, no one in NYC is single for more than a few months) and thats why you are so skinny or fat, and everyone’s gonna grill you about it. You can be as funny and self-deprecating as you want, but just don’t drink too much champers and start crying under all the questions. No one wants to smooch a snivelling mess under the mistletoe.
6. The sidewalk in front of Macy’s. Ok I realize I already sound a bit like Scrooge with all these things I hate and all, but seriously the entire 34th street area is impassable and I gotta walk that way to go to work. Is there really a demand for 30 different Santas all OUTSIDE the store?
7. and FORGET midtown. Don’t go there till January.
8. Awkward run-ins at holiday parties. No, sorry, I don’t remember your name, we meet once a year, how on earth could I? I cant be expected to remember EVERYONE…
9. Dry-cleaning bills. No joke, these can reach into the hundreds this time of year, esp if you are prone to spilling bubbly and caviar…
10. Post-holiday blues. What the hell are we all sposed to do until spring?
TOP 10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS:
1. Snow. This TOTALLY makes the cold worthwhile.
2. Skiing. Who doesnt love skiing? Communists that’s who. People who hate America. People who hate FREEDOM.
3. Lights in trees. Beautiful!
4. Crafts, people, crafts. My family always made all our own ornaments growing up, so not only are we TOTALLY creative and artistic, but the tree is beautiful! So get yer craft on.
5. Its A Wonderful Life. Nothing captures just now not-wonderful life can be as well as this movie, and it’s a good reminder not to off yerself. Plus you can work on your Jimmy Stewart impression by stuffing lots of marzipan in your mouth and trying to annunciate.
6. The Perfect Gift. You can always count on one home-run with one gift, with one family member, once per holiday- whether given or received, its a guarantee. Enjoy!
7. Trips. It is now practically mandatory to take some sort of trip during the holidays, or at worst, immediately following. Either skiing or someplace warm for sailing!
8. Holiday parties. I love parties!
9. Stories from holiday parties. Almost as good as stories from Birthday Parties, but often involving santa hats and/or lit candles. Good stuff.
10. Champagne! Of course, one should enjoy this bubbly treat all year round but it never seems so festive as right about now…mmmnnnn YUMMY.
