January 2011
1 post
Dear Christian Bale at the Golden Globes:
Rock me sexy jesus. Seriously. I don’t care that you can barely speak in your own accent. The sound of your voice feels cool. It doesn’t matter to me that the stuff you say - to Carson Daly on the red carpet or when you won your award- makes no sense at all- even if I could understand what you were saying. You sound like you might have opinions about stuff, and be thinking thoughts about...
June 2010
1 post
True Blood is the new The Wire.
Previous posts have made quite clear my feelings of everlasting love for The Wire. Sadly, however, The Wire is no more, and we all must get on with our lives. David Simon’s new offering Treme is ok, I mean, it’s pretty, but it’s like a heavy-handed music video made by the bureau of tourism for New Orleans. Booooooring.
You know what’s NOT boring? True Blood. One could also accuse TB of...
May 2010
1 post
Thriller in Rye
I recently went on another exciting adventure with my friends Alex and Claire, this time to the idyllic suburb of Rye. Little did we know our adventure would end in supernatural menace and almost certain gory death.
The day starts very promisingly, when Claire, her friend Liz, and I, head up to the AYC in sunny Westchester to catch the finish of the Spring Series regatta in which Salty Dog...
April 2010
6 posts
Dramatic Escape to Paradise On A Boat, Part 6: St...
Easter Sunday dawns, and we awake early in our beautiful anchorage in Jost. Today we must return to American soil, which feels a little like giving in to an eventual return to “reality” - never pleasant. The sail from Jost to St Thomas is breathtaking. Clear blue water with hilly islands and bright sun and a perfect breeze. En route we enjoy a typically generous brunch of leftover French...
Dramatic Escape to Paradise On A Boat, Part 5:...
Legend has it Jost is named after a 17th century Dutch privateer, though apparently there is not much actual “evidence” to support this history. Currently the island is practically uninhabited, with a mere 250 residents; to all of us Manhattanites it is essentially a desert island. Desert or not, it is still under British rule, and we must go check in at customs before we can legally spend a...
Dramatic Escape to Paradise On A Boat, Part 4: ...
Departure from delirious and delightful St Bart’s goes swimmingly. The sky over our port side to the west turns pale and rosy as the hills and rocks of St B’s recede behind us. We enjoy a very civilized glass of rose - only one each, as we have a long night’s sail ahead. Alex has set us a course to the island of Jost Van Dyke, in the British Virgin Islands, and the autopilot is at the helm.
...
Dramatic Escape to Paradise On A Boat, Part 3:...
We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive…” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the...
Dramatic Escape to Paradise On A Boat, Part 2:...
Step 1 when adjusting to island paradise after harrowing journey: rose and hors d’oevres. Geniuses Alex and Claire had stocked my soon-to-be home-for-6-days with delicious rose, and I’d purchased a selection of artery-clogging cheeses and pates so upon our arrival at the boat, we cranked the awesome-meter up to 11.
Bikini donned, and snacks and rose consumed, we laze around the deck, lounging...
Dramatic Escape to Paradise On A Boat, Part 1:...
Somehow I have acquired enough merit from a previous existence to have such wonderful friends as Alex and his fiance Claire. They recently invited me down to the caribbean to stay on their beautiful sailboat and cruise around some islands for a little R&R. Again, I have no idea how I conned these people into this, but I thank the god-that-doesnt-exist every day for such blessings. Actually...
December 2009
1 post
Top 10 things I Love & Hate about the holidays
TOP 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS:
1. Eggnog. Seriously, you guys, that stuff is disgusting. There’s not enough rum in the WORLD to make it palatable. Barf. Same goes for rum-cake, even though that has rum in it.
2. Gift-giving one-ups-man-ship. This sucks if you are not the wealthiest member of your family or the alpha-dog in your group of friends. Its always a safe bet to go for...
November 2009
1 post
creepy cults really creep me...
It’s no secret I’ve had a morbid horrified fascination with mormon polygamist cults for the past few years. Really it was Jon Krakower’s fault. My fixation pre-dates that whole texas compound thing from a few years ago. I read ‘Under the Banner of Heaven’ and was hooked.
As an atheist, it is difficult for me to imagine following any leader, however charismatic,...
June 2009
2 posts
Maniacal narcissist Werner Herzog is my hero
As I was only 7 at the time I missed what surely must have been extensive coverage of the staggering folly that was Werner Herzog’s filming of “Fitzcarraldo” in the Amazon rain forest. The 2 1/2 year shoot apparently achieved wide notoriety when Herzog had a steamship hauled over a hill between two rivers. Today’s article in the New York Times by Janet Maslin...
How do I love The Wire? Let me count the ways...
Dear The Wire,
I can no longer keep my feelings to myself… Every time I watch you I fall in love all over again. Thats right. I love you. There- I said it. You don’t have to say it back. I am not ashamed. I love you selflessly, without need of any reciprocation. I had to tell you this now because everyone else knows already. I cant help it. When I go out to dinner and to...
May 2009
5 posts
car radio vs. self respect and responsible driving
Every Memorial day weekend I have a little ritual that goes: mooch a ride to Maine from friend/family member/obligated acquaintance to pick up car at parents’ house, enjoy a spectacularly dissipated and emotional reconnection with childhood friends whom I mostly haven’t seen since Columbus day weekend, drive home.
As those of you who are my Maine friends can attest, this weekend was...
the bike shop hippies : an uneasy truce
I’ve lived in my apartment in the east village for 6 years now, and in almost all ways it is perfect. Almost. Leaving aside for the moment the chronic issue of no-heat (more on that later) there remains only the bicycle repair shop downstairs. It is open year round, but really only gets going in spring and summer when people go outside again.
This is no regulation bike shop with...
I lied about being the outdoors type
So now I’m visiting some friends’ country place in connecticut, and if I wasn’t clear in my previous post, I make no pretense to be the outdoors type. Neither do I aspire to be. It’s not that I hate outdoor activities- on the contrary- I am an avid and somewhat obsessed sailor. Its just that, well, I’m afraid of the woods.
It’s not even just all the uncooked...
When animals attack! in NYC.
Last night, en route to the bar to watch the ballgame, I came across a small crowd of people clustered in the middle of my block staring up in the air. Visions of ‘The Happening’ flashed through my head. I walked over and asked a guy with a vintage Beatles haircut and Elvis shades what was going on. He pointed up to the fire escape of the nearest building. I looked up and saw an...
I don't like being high
Last night I went to a fancy party thrown by my fancy friend Brooke at the very fancy new cooper square hotel. In the glass-walled penthouse. On the 21st floor. I was terrified.
I am absolutely petrified of heights. This came on suddenly at the age of 14 or so when at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. I went up in the round curvy dome and stared down at the black and white tiled floor,...
April 2009
6 posts
Swine flu of death is coming to kill us all!!!
OMG you guys the swine flu is coming! its coming to kill us all with death! we’ll grow snouts and pointy ears and curly tails and then we’ll root around in garbage, roll in mud and then we’ll DIE! forever!
Sigh…am I the only one that is sick and tired of hearing about this stupid pig flu? Doesn’t anyone remember SARS? or the Avian flu? or EBOLA??!!!! We...
Leave the Somali pirates alone!
Ok you guys I’m getting really worried about this pirate situation. Things seem to be getting heated and I’m afraid that people are losing perspective. It is essential that we not lose sight of the most important thing to consider when talking about or dealing with pirates: PIRATES ARE COOL. Waaay cooler than us.
I’m not just saying that because I like (OK love, bordering...
death v. taxes : go death!
It is no surprise to anyone who has ever met me, but I have zero aptitude for math, and even less interest. Many people get a sense of satisfaction from making numbered lists or balancing their checkbooks, or creating a budget. They have a sense of accomplishment. Or so I’m told. I don’t. I not only get no satisfaction from a well-balanced checkbook or a budget but I’m...
It's not crashing if you're in the wedding
Jeremy Grey: Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! What do you like better, Christmas or Wedding Season? John Beckwith: Mr. Grey? Jeremy Grey: Yes. The answer would be, um, Wedding Season? John Beckwith: Bingo! I’m gonna get my suit. Now who are we this time?
The thing is, I really like weddings. I think its weird when people dont…what part can you object to?...
on: when babies date down
So a few times a week I babysit for my beautiful perfect goddaughter Georgia. She is sweet-tempered, cuddly, rarely cries even when teething, and looks like a Botticelli or Rubens painting of cupid. Her interests include reading, long walks, music, and holding hands. She’s 7 months old, so she still has her looks and youthful joie de vivre. In other words, a catch by any standards.
That...
On emoticons...>:(
So you are over 25 and you think its cool to use emoticons? really? smily faces are cute? do you also like the Jonas Brothers? are you wearing a keffiyeh around your neck right now - not out of solidarity with Palastine but just ‘cause? how tight are your jeans? if you are not sure what i mean by ‘how tight’ take this quiz: can you sit down? (y/n/maybe) if you can, how much...
March 2009
2 posts
On a morning spent at the unemployment office
Recently discovered, via cheeky summons in the mail, that Club 405 is neither exclusive (already suspected as much) nor free. Not that they make you pay money, mind you, they’re quite attuned to the fact that you don’t HAVE any money, hence the weekly $405, but instead they bleed you dry in terms of time and sanity. Said cheeky summons demanded in no uncertain terms that I report at...
